hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
