so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
