Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
