I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
