Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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