I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
