PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
