What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
