He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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