I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm at about main and main street
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
