see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
