I just made out with a guy for $7.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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