im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
