Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
