Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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