I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
