The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
