why didn't you poke me back
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
