remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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