your parents love me but you hate me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
