she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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