i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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