this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
