420 ftw
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
