I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
