We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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