is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
