I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
