All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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