Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
