Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
