did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
