Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Don't make out with my wife yet
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
