DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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