I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
