my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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