Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
