hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
