Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
