There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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