You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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