I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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