Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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