In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
