Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Two words: blizzard sex
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
