So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
