How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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