This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
