Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
