I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
