So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
