You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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